


Universe

by sadmarchhare



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Depression, Fights, Insecurity, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:34:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22295650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadmarchhare/pseuds/sadmarchhare
Summary: a xiumin/chanyeol fic based on the song universe by exo (originally posted in 2018)
Relationships: Kim Minseok | Xiumin/Park Chanyeol
Kudos: 6





	Universe

[Contrary to how I feel, painful words come out  
I made you struggle  
And I'm struggling too]

"Oh my fucking god Chanyeol how are you this fucking stupid?" Another insult. He was so close to just punching him right then and there god he was infuiriating! Couldn't they just discuss things in a civil way?  
"Stop. Stop calling me stupid." Minseok didn't care obviously, he was going to keep insulting him until Chanyeol just did something. He wasn't going to give in like, this time he-  
"What? It's what you are! Stupid! A fucking idiot!" He punched the table Minseok flinched but never took his eyes off Chanyeol.  
"I'm warning you hyung. Shut the fuck up." The audicity he has! He just fucking smirked! Chanyeol finally got up and pushed Minseok.  
"Fuck you Minseok. Suffer on your fucking own. I'm so tired lf your shit stop blowing off steam on me!" Minseok gritted his teeth maybe because of the fall or because of what Chanyeol said, it didn't matter either way. When he got up they stared at each other for a while and only when Minseok started tearing up he spoke again.  
"You're right. Leave then." And without looking back, he left.

[I always dissapoint you  
And I regret it too]

He held his fist closed, Minseok had been crying, but that wasn't really the problem. The problem was he didn't say anything to Chanyeol, they were supposed to be lovers, they were supposed to help each other for fucks sake! Chanyeol knew that Minseok tought his face looked natural but he knew his hyung's after-crying face to well no matter how much he tried to calm himself and clean himself after.  
"Minseok, I'm going out with Baek tonight hopefully you don't mind?" Chanyeol tought with this Minseok would say something along the lines of 'I do mind, please stay' but Chanyeol should have known better. He just smiled, but by god did it look forced.  
"It's fine I'll see you later then." He turned around again continuing cooking whatever he was cooking. Chanyeol didn't know what to say. His lover had always cried next to him, telling him whats wrong but this has never happened before. He felt awful for not saying anything but he didn't know what to say. He got up.  
"Goodbye hyung."  
Minseok didn't even bother turning around.  
"Goodbye Yeol."  
And he left.

[]

No matter how many winters Chanyeol lived he still couldn't stand this stupid cold and now that Minseok was in the couch watching something alone, he hated the cold even more. He was just in his room watching TV by himself since Minseok asked him to be alone in the living room. Fuck. Fuck this cold. It used to be more bareable when they both cuddled everytime they got the chance. Now it just looks like they are always occupied. He didn't really know what Minseok was doing but he reckoned he was watching his stupid show and texting his stupid friends leaving Chanyeol to freeze by himself. With those thoughts Chanyeol slowly drifted off to sleep. So when Minseok went up to their shared room some hours later he smiled softly when he saw Chanyeol sleeping, he was glad. Minseok didn't feel like sleeping so now he wouldn't have to explain to his lover why he was going to walk around for a while. So without ever sparing Chanyeol another glance, he left.

[]

When Chanyeol woke up it was late, he verified it by looking at his phone. 4:27am. Did Minseok fall asleep in the couch?  
"Fuck." He rugged his eyes and got up wrapping a blanket around him. So fucking cold, how can Minseok fall asleep in the couch like this? But the living room was empty. The TV turned off. Minseok's phone and blanket on the couch. 'What the fuck?' Chanyol thought. 'Where did he go at this hour?'  
"Minnie? Minnie! Minnie where are you I swear it's 4am I'm so tired and cold let's just go to bed!" He looked around the house stupidly in a way, he couldn't be in their office but he was desperate.  
"KIM MINSEOK! FUCK!" He threw the blanket away, and picked up Minseok's phone. He unblocked it in one try, 1990, predictable. No texts sent or calls made to any of his friends in the last 2 days. Great! He left to where? Strangely enough he didn't feel like looking for him something told him Minseok would get mad if he did. Without going to look for him turning around to his room, crying almost breaking down, he left.

[You have my world, you’re my small universe  
The moment it vanishes, I will disappear as well]

Once he heard the door open the ran downstairs faster than ever before.  
"Minnie!" And with tears in his eyes he ran up to Minseok and hugged him, making him start to sob once again.  
"Where were you?" After some minutes of Minseok holding him he stopped crying and was able to let out a small question, he had so many more...  
"I just went for a walk Yeol. I know it was late but I really couldn't sleep" Chanyeol felt like something was missing there have been many days were Minseok hasn't been able to sleep yet he still stayed at home what prompt him to go out this time?  
"Just that?" And for the first time since the last insults he was able to ask him anything.  
"Yes Chanyeol." Minseok's face didn't change but his voice got a bit lower. What was that all about? But in fear of losing Minseok like that again he simply nodded and held onto him.  
"I thought I had lost you for real. I couldn't even deal with that thought you know? You're my whole universe Minnie don't scare me like this again."  
Minseok nodded.  
"Let me get up Chanyeol I'm going to make some breakfast." With that Chanyeol got up follow by Minseok without ever looking into his lover's eyes he left.

[]

Chanyeol should have noticed it then. He should have noticed that Minseok didn't say I love you back, that he didn't hold him like he used to, that he didn't even truly talked to him. But he was too happy that Minseok didn't truly leave him.  
He felt so bad he didn't know how to describe it he blamed himself, he blamed Minseok, he blamed everyone.  
Maybe it all started after the last insults. Maybe it was even later after that or before that, he honestly couldn't tell. But since that day he couldn't shake off the feeling that something was going to happen still, the relief that Minseok did come back eased that worry again. Now did it matter? Of course not and no matter how hard he tries to think about something else everything else just becomes a blur besides Minseok. His Minseok. So with tears in his eyes this cycle repeats again and again.

[I feel it so much it hurts  
Wherever you are, I'll go to you]

It started to become a routine that cycle of pain, memories and tears. Everyday was like this. Not even producing music helped him perhaps it even made him more sad. After sending one of his demos to Sehun, he described it as 'A song that makes your heart feel so heavy you start crying.' It was the only way Chanyeol could truly let his feelings out. Talking to his friends helped too but not as much.  
And everytime it got cold he got sadder he remembered the first night Minseok went out instead of going to him. Now he knew what Minseok went to do however. If only he had known sooner! If only Minseok had talked to him! And once again he blames himself, he blames Minseok, he blames everything and everyone.  
"It's not fucking fair..." Through gritted teeth and tears it's the only thing he's able to say. After everything Minseok was only able to hand him a note.  
"He left." Chanyeol says before breaking down for the second time today.

[I'll search the universe  
Until I can find you again]

"I'm sorry Chanyeol.  
Please do not blame yourself for it and I'm sorry for acting like I did these last 2 months.  
I wanted you to not be attatched to me.  
So when I left you wouldn't cry.  
I care so much about you yet I couldn't do it.  
I couldn't only do things for you I wanted to do them for me.  
No matter what people told me always doing everything for someone else didn't help me at all.  
I asked around their reason.  
I always got "just because".  
Just, just because.  
But that didn't help.  
You and just  
It was stupid really, people probably tought I was crazy and I was.  
I think desperate is the better word.  
Don't blame yourself Chanyeol I know you'll do it.  
Don't blame me.  
I was just tired and I couldn't sleep.  
Let me rest with the stars.  
I love you I don't even know why we fought so much."  
And in the rain between all the black clothes and tears Chanyeol looked up.  
"Me neither."


End file.
